the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
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That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
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I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
sorry about your sharpie. alex wanted to shave the left side of his body so he had me draw a line over him with a ruler
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
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