He asked me how my body knew that a month was up when it was time for my period.
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
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You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
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Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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