Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
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Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
Just walk of shamed past a 5 year old on my way out of my booty call. He waved at me. Is this the single life I've been missing?
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At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
So it's my mom's birthday and I wanted to be super cheap and just walk up to her and say "I got you the greatest gift ever, mom! I'm actually sober right now!".
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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