She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
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