its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
Skanksgiving break is awesome already... pilgrim and indian roleplay tonight.
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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