I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
Where can I buy a trophy for a Groupie Award?
She had sex with a merch guy. . . band guys make you groupies, Merch guys just means she's easy.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
Randomize
