Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Every once in a while you'd chuckle to yourself, and when I asked you what's so funny u replied "sometimes my toes tickle eachother"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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