Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
I am no longer and illegal Moonshiner. I just made thousands of gallons of incredibly High test alcohol with police watching and waiting for thare couple of jugs so that they can bring home and disinfect their houses with it. I'm fat with money at the moment.
Randomize
