I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I feel like I've asked you "are you okay?" one too many times in the last 48 hours. You're hopeless.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
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