She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
Been drinkin since 3, wearing a tutu, how could things go wrong
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
If my dick was big enough to fuck the eye of a hurricane, I would.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
Randomize
