Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
