My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
We got back from Mcdonalds and literally 5 minutes of being in your room, you wanted to go back because "We haven't been yet."
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
one minute he's happily playing with a lighter and the next thing I know, he's screaming and the swing set is on fire
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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