He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Did you hear me? I HAVE THE CONTENTS OF AN NBA PLAYER'S CONDOM IN MY BEDROOM TRASHCAN!! This shit is potentially worth millions of dollars to a fertile young female who is ovulating. How do I sell it fast??
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
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