Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
dude all my bootycalls are going to Eclipse tonight... Do I really want it that bad?
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Pooping with Eye of the Tiger playing. Not a single fuck shall be given.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
