the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Going back to my hometown to drink absinthe with highschool boys. Remind me to evaluate this decision tomorrow.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Well he was mad because I chose tequila over him. He obviously doesn't understand that he will always be second to my first true love.
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
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