recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
He drunk dialed T-Mobile at 3am and talked to them for 45 minutes and got his phone bill lowered from $80 to $60... Best drunk dial ever.
Almost accidentally stole a baby... explain later
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
I think I have vodka in my lungs
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
