Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
So I have some interesting news. The pizza guy called the cops on me...
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Male strippers are involved. You are coming
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Randomize