in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
only you would photoshop your dick
Just found a "how to get laid" book on the dresser and am now a victim of method number 16 corollary 7.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
You peed on someone's house because they had a Wisconsin flag.
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
