The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
fireball beer pong. youre missing out
how is that even possible?
ove gloves.
be there in ten.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Its become more of a routine.. Whenever I get done eating and have left overs I just take it over to his house and throw it all over the walls and windows. Pay backs a bitch ehhhh
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
Randomize
