I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
Dude, I'm pretty sure I slept with my TA's girlfriend
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
