i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Randomize
