I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
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drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
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Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
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