The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
i'm at the st pattys day thing. the bar is packed. they just put on celine dion its all coming back to me now. i'm screaming the words.
it's 1 pm.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
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