My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
I'm just to the point my give a fucks is so far in the red that I'm going to have to take out a 30yr loan of fucks to repay it
I pretended to be blind and he pretended to be my assistant and long story short, we had to buy that bra and panty set, and now we're both banned from Victoria's Secret AND I have a cum stained demi cup.
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