dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Why I hate online dating: not even one day in and a 57 year old asks me to call him "Daddy."
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.