god damn woman. you are like the herpes of drunk texting. you never go away.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I hear youre working today. To keep you entertained, ive compiled a list of condiments that my dick has NOT been slathered in since last Friday: Relish, and raspberry jam. That's right.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
27 Hairstyles That Always Come With A Matching Personality
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
I gave him the white girl "you spilled my psl look" and walked away