I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You told her the u were going to wrap your dick around her neck and start her like a lawn mower. thats why she left.
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
I don't think I bit anyone but I woke up to scrapes knees, bruises and new friends.
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?