I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
She fucked the dishwasher AND the manager.
Well, she isn't a classist. You've got to give her that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
i was so proud for not passing out at the same time as usual. i screamed that i had a "new personal best!" then some jackass explained daylight savings.
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize