Anal astronaut?
Wow word travels fast.
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
I have 4 more smokes and 6 more beers to go before I make a life changing decision like that.
Randomize