I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Soo I got blood taken today and when the doctor came back with the results she said "you aren't sick but the tests show that you are currently drunk..."
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
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