he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
then you dropped a clam in a draught beer like it was a drop shot and and started chugging as beer spewed all over your body.
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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