Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
connan obrien reminds me of an asparagus spear
I think a girl in front of me glued an ugg tag to a weird pair of boots.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
Randomize
