Did you know even strippers have to have GED's these days??
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
I will also take that commission in the form of weed. Pass that on to the asst. manager.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I honestly think she should have her own reality show called "Lowering the Bar" and it consists of a camera crew following her from Bar to bar hooking up with unsuspecting drunk attractive men.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
Stuck in the Minneapolis airport for 3 hours with an expense budget and a wine bar. This could get out of hand quickly.
I don't like pregnant me. I eat very large burritos, I don't like having sex and I can't even finish a Blue Moon.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
yknow last night was like... the third night in a row alex woke me up to make sure i wasn't dead and tbh it's sorta sweet.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Trust me, I’ve got a sixth sense about dicks that tells me if a guy knows how to fuck and it’s tingling. You need to prove me right!
I’m not going to bang him just to confirm your Dickth Sense
The Dickth Sense!!! I love it! It’ll be our first porno!
Randomize
