Getting food. Want anything?
Vagina. Double meat no buns. I have the secret sauce
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
she told me i tasted like america
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
If you don't come home and fuck me soon I'm walking over there naked and dragging you home by your penis
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
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