My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
My body hates me. Pretty sure I drank 3 pitches full of coffee last night and took two adderal. I slept and ran a marathon at the same time. You should see my bed.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
