Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
If the blood belongs to whoever dumped glitter all over my couch than the motherfucker got what was coming to them. If not, I hope they're ok.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
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