Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
I smoked all his weed and he hasn't noticed yet. But I might need a place to crash when he does
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Heard about your divorce. Let me know if I can do anything for you or your penis ;-)
Randomize
