I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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