My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Jazzercise themed birthday pub crawl. 6 bars in 6 hours.everyone was a hot mess.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
All I want is dick and wine.
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
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