You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
