I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Some guy is in my phone as Pat McAwesome.
I just masturbated in the tanning bed stoned. Best decision of my life
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
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