I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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