so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
No, listening to the fray and drinking a bottle of jack daniels does not count as counseling
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Turns out, the guy I'm casually fucking has a girlfriend who's cheating on him with my sister's boyfriends brother who I fucked last year. And my sex life has now come full circle.
Randomize