I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
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