my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
Sober January is a disaster.
We fucked standing up with my right leg over his shoulder. Thank you mom and dad for having once enrolled me in gymnastics. It has finally paid off
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
You fucked a stripper on your sisters friends blow up mattress. The least you could do is wash the sheets.
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
yo knit me an eyepatch. but also make it usable as a thong
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
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