i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
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We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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