he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
i'm already feeling the tequila hangover i'm going to have on friday
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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