Just seen on a tshirt : "fake titties taste funny"
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
When I tell my children how I survived hurricane Sandy I'll probably leave out the threesome
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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