im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
When he saw my tits he said "wow you should be proud.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
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