I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Right before he passed out, he said "Stuporman, coming in for a landing"
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
Randomize
