I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
I feel like after all he sees, the dog needs to get baptized.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Gonna bang his former student. Clearly I am winning this breakup.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I have bite marks all over my ass. Is that an acceptable excuse for missing class?
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Truth. Though I have held steadfast to the notion while the rest of you wavered. I had faith in his homosexuality.
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