i just sent this text using only my big toe
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
When he goes down on me, he stares me in the eyes like a shark mocking it's prey as it devours it. Plus, his beard smells like dirty gym socks. This has got to end.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
That moment when your mom is so drunk she makes you get out of bed to lay in her bed because she thinks it feels like sleeping on a marshmallow peep....
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
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